Q: What do you hope to accomplish by publishing this book through a self-publishing company? Was the message that important to get out?
A: My vision is to bring up issues and have people communicate about them. It's not trying to make the non-sports fan become a sports fan, but to at least understand how we're wired. And for the sports fan, it gives them a reference point to why someone may not be a sports fan. Where did they grow up? How did they grow up? Were their parents into sports? It's an evoluationary process that needs to be examined. If we understand how it works, then it's a launching point to a discussion.
I guess in some ways it's really for the Oprah crowd. Her viewers may be the ones who are married to sports fans and don't know how to deal with it. Again, I'm not just speaking to the non-fan or the sports fan, but trying to help a realationship work on both ends. It's a sports book, and a self-help book.
It's interesting how two people may know nothing about each other, but if they find they have sports to talk about, they'll immediately start bonding and eventually get to know about the other person's family, likes and dislikes. As I was writing this, I had to take a long hard look at myself and make sure there was information important to the non-fan. The purpose is to take both sides. The biggest thing is to educate the non-sports fans, but they have to be interested in wanting to learn all this stuff as well.
I also made these blue bracelets that say, SportsFan101 on one side and "Minimize your stress" on the other.

Q: Can you expand on the SportsFan101.com site?
A: It's like a portal for sports fans with all kinds of links, including that to Gamblers Anonymous. The self-assessment page really can show you how much time you spend doing things in and out of a relationship.
I have much more control over what I do now than I think I did before. When you see the numbers in the self assessment page, and how many hours you don't sleep but instead are watching sports or playing video games, or spending time alone instead of with your significant other or friends or family, it's a visual display of how your life is going. It really paints the big picture on how you spend your life. It's the first step to admitting any kind of problem and taking charge.
To me, the biggest thing is the "Year at a Glance" sports calendar that can be downloaded. Fans now get a visual of how a calendar of sports plays out during the year. As a fan, you can see how easy it is to be a year-around TV watcher. As a non-fan, you can see the gaps in the schedules, to find time for relationship trips or doing things around the house.
You can see the choices in advance so plans can be made.

Q: What were some of the interesting things you found about the sports fans from talking to them for this project?
A: I found more fans, especially older ones, turned off more by today's sports because of how it's become a big business with all the commercialism and things like the TV timeouts and outrageous player salaries. They see millionaires complaining they don't make enough money, when in reality, we're paying their salaries. We keep perpetuating this system that's ridiculous when you see how athletes are paid compared to policemen, firemen, school teachers, etc.
We all buy into it. I buy all the MLB and NBA TV packages, since I'm in San Diego and want to watch the Dodgers or Lakers.
There are also people out there who've signed pre-nuputal agreements that contain language on when a wife can demand the husband not watch a sporting event. Some husbands insist they can't be bothered when there's a playoff game. But if it's a regular-season game, and she wants to watch "Dancing With The Stars," then he has to give up the remote.

Q: How are some simple ways fans and non-fans can reach a middle ground?
A: First, stop making it a case of who's going to win each argument. Is it right for the sport fan to not watch sports if that's what he wants to do? It's not about that. We know men in general don't communicate well. And men in general are the sports fans. I'm trying to give them the tools to do that.
To me, TiVo has saved thousands of relationships everywhere. I explain the "Two-minute rule" in the book, where you can agree not to interrupt the sports fan if there's two minutes left in a game. You can watch a game with the volume off, like in a bar. You can listen to a game on the radio without watching it.

Q: How does the sports fan have to change to adapt more to the non-sports fan?
A: It's all about building realistic expectations. That's where the sports fan often falls short. In his mind, his team can win the championship every year. Realistically, that may not be possible. I'm the biggest Lakers fan, but I knew going into this season they'd be consistently inconsistent, so I didn't have any unrealistic expectations. So when they lost in the first round, I was ready for it. Some aren't. And llike that, they're not realistic with relationship issues. When they can come to grips with that, the highs of a relationship won't be too high, the lows won't be too low, and you can sort of have a cruise-control pattern that makes live much more smooth. Your relationship can be more telepathic and you can end up being more than just lovers but also best friends.

Q: You're recently engaged to get married. How does this fit into your relationship equation with this book?
A: I actually proposed to my girlfriend Laura at a party on March 24 to celebrate the launch of his book in front of 75 friends and family at , of all places, a sports bar -- Seau's in San Diego. Laura is a social worker at the Balboa Naval Center in San Diego helping those make the transition from coming back from overseas trip. She doesn't like to watch games on TV, but she loves going to Super Bowl parties or the atmosphere of a live game. But she's really not up on the history.

Q: What do you find the big difference in men and women in terms of bridging a gap between sports fans and non fans?
A: In general terms, women love to over think-out-loud, they over communicate. Men don't think that way. We're much more simple minded.
As a sports fan, we're experts in sitting on the couch all day and using the remote control without even looking at the numbers we're punching in.Sports are our reality TV. it's not edited, it's live. Non-fans have reality TV with actors and musicians. We have athletes.
I'm passionate about being a fan. It's who I am. We try to understand ourselves better to communicate to the other person what we're about. I could look in the mirror and think I'm a great person, but to someone else, they think I'm a jerk. The biggest disconnect is sometimes how we see ourselves.

Q: So realistically, the key to all this is to have realistic expectations of how a relationship should be from the start?
A: I keep realistic expectations with everything. I hope this works with any relationship, not just ones where sports is involved. You need to find what to do together, what to do alone, what to do inside or outside the house.
Even if you don't like sports, you know someone who does. The book can be a gift that keeps giving.

Make sure you realize you can contact Craig Bender directly by email and he'll be glad to answer your questions. Also note the book is only available on line at the moment (through the publisher, as well as Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com).